my experience with organized superstition

saturday i got up bright n' early to head to...church. that's right, you read it correctly folks, church (and not to see arcade fire). i was going to meet up with our videographer to do a piece on jay bakker's revolution church, he was speaking that morning. my friend kerry came with me, and handed me a present as a thank you for the last trip to my house in vermont: it was a rainbow striped bag.

little to my knowledge, this particular service was part of a gay pride at church day (where jay was one of many speakers, though we only stayed for him). so my rainbow bag helped me fit in! anyway, churches are really nice, very peaceful and jay probably had the best shot of anyone at making me believe a little in a higher power. the whole thing was just sort of sad though, all about how The Church doesn't accept gays and how he, a pastor, doesn't believe in Religion ("i like the stain-glass windows, not the people."). it all reminded me of my short stint at catholic youth group. ready for a flashback?!

back in freshman year of high school, i went to catholic youth group. it was like a weird form of peer pressure. all of my friends went, and it's not like there was much else to do in redding, ct (we didn't discover drinking in the woods for another year or two)...so why not? plus, there were cute boys there from other towns! throughout the six months or so i went, i: performed in the variety show (we did our own version of the tri-delts skit from SNL at the time), i went on a retreat (i remember they made our parents write really emotional letters to us that we had to read alone in a field), and i developed this superstitious tourettes-like tick where i would pray every night (this lasted for years). i thought if i didn't something bad would happen. oh, and i held a christmas party at my house that year...

this is where it got..."weird". the head of the youth group (jill) and some of the other, apparently more "matured," girls - decided to hire some male entertainment. so there i am in the living room of my house with the youth group crew and my mom, when the doorbell rings. to my surprise, it was santa! (why did he have that boombox, though?) i sat back down in my chair, confused, as santa hit play and bruce springsteen's version of "merry christmas baby" blared throughout my house. suddenly, santa was shedding his red suit and giving me a lap dance. at 15 years old. at a youth group gathering. in my house. in front of my mom. and presumabley in front of God.

he was noticeably "excited" and i slammed my eyelids shut as hard as i could and asked him to get away from me. he went over to tara (she was a little bit more..."experienced"). finally, realizing how fucked up this was...someone asked him to leave (it should be noted that not everyone thought this was abnormal, as it's all on videotape!). so...that, and my one and only trip to the catholic sunday service around the same time where the priest angrily railed against gay people...ceased my interactions with the church and youth group. it also made me wary of priests and santa claus. "the boss" is still okay by me, though.

so last saturday, it was sort of nice to hear jay's stories about how really fucked up the religious sect can be (just watch some of "the eyes of tammy faye"). since it was coming from a pastor and someone who has seen the real ugly underbelly firsthand, it made me listen more to the good things he had to say about religion, faith, etc. in the end, though, i basically left the way i came in. which is to say, with a religiously cluttered mind. (i took a ton of religious studies classes in college, i've been to protestant services, catholic services and some weird service for a cult-like church held in a field by my old house in redding when i was growing up, i've seen the dalai lama speak twice and also went to one of his teachings...the list goes on). i don't like taking a stance on religion, i think it's all pretty interesting - just as i think science is interesting. and i do 100% agree that those stain-glass windows are awfully pretty.

st. andrew's hall.mp3 - blind melon (i refuse to apologize for still loving this band)

UPDATE: here's the video from the church (not from the santa lapdance).

Comments

[Jeff]

You should try Reform Judaism. It's really DIY and easy and you never have to explain yourself to anyone.

[Brian]

You are not allowed to tell us that this is on videotape without posting the footage for all of us to see...

[kalocoido]

Hello!
Nice site ;)
Bye

Post the Santa Lap Dance!